Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
