apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
