Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
