Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
