it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
