I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All I want is dick and wine.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
