'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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