I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
