Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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