Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
