Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
