why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
