Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How external is "for external use only"?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
