So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Congratulations! We have a period
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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