Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
