Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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