I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Randomize
