why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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