oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
