She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
