i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
