This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
