First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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