He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
