I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
