All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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