I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
