So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
