oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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