Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
