so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
