it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
