i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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