Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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