woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
