Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you never un-have a 4some
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
