Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize