I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
