A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Drake has all the answers
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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