Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
