i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
