I love black thongs
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
