So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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