I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
