i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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