you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
