am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
