Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
