my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
