Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
