GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
whose parrot is this?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
