He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
