he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You're like the curious george of whores
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my poor anus
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
