I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Drunk is not a location!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
