please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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