Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
