I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
do nipples grow back?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
