I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
a search helicopter?!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Randomize
