Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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