Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
