I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada†on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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